He was feeling overwhelmed, and was ready to chuck all that he was doing if that would allow himself to return to a closer place with God. “Draw Me Close”, Kelly Carpenter prayed one Sunday in his Kirkland, Washington home (northeast of Seattle, see the map here that highlights King County, in which Kirkland lies) in January 1994. Ironically, Kelly was involved with a worship and music ministry at the church that he and his wife loved, but that circumstance did not necessarily guarantee his spirit was in tune with the One he was trying to serve. Kelly had known for many years that music was his purpose, particularly since he had rededicated himself to Christianity over a decade earlier. So, what could possibly be wrong with an apparent calling that had him on a trajectory that he had been seeking for some time? Was his position just too much, too soon? Whose purpose was Kelly really serving in January 1994?
Perhaps it was a growing sense of unease that had been gnawing at Kelly Carpenter over the previous 18 months, as he breathed in exasperation one Sunday in January 1994. If his job had been strictly the music that he had wanted to write and perform, Kelly might have felt differently. But, organizing and directing all of the various parts of the worship ministry at a church of several hundred people was beginning to wear on him. How was he supposed to be a pastor to people? Kelly was leaning on his wife (Merrilyn) for help, but he still felt like an obsession with accomplishing all that was on the ministry’s plate was becoming too normal. Had this same phenomenon contributed to the previous minister’s departure? Kelly wondered if he was actually going to fail at this, as he also lamented a noticeable gap growing wider between God and himself. The shine had worn off of the enthusiasm he had once felt for serving in the kingdom, and he wanted to recapture that. He says that one line in the lyrics he composed – in just 20 or 30 minutes, with no changes made later – conveyed the heart of the matter. He’d ‘lay it all down…to be (His, God’s) friend again’. The only person he was interested in pleasing, in that moment sitting at his piano keyboard, was the Lord. Yeh, he was a pastor, but he realized that his connection to God was paramount. He was like a psalmist who had been cut to the heart, like one who was longing for water in a desert. Kelly’s ancient songwriting ancestor, David, had made similar entreaties to God – ‘As the deer pants for …water, so my soul pants for you, my God. (Psalm 42:1) Or, how about when David cried out to God because he acknowledged how far he’d strayed from Him – ‘Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.’ (Psalm 51:12) Kelly’s opening lyrics-song title sounded a lot like a contemporary David, longing to be in God’s embrace once more.
Kelly’s testimony says something pretty key for all of us fallible creatures, including ministers/pastors, whom unknowing church members sometimes place on pedestals. We can all get too caught up in our human endeavors, even ones in a church. It’s supposed to be all about Him, isn’t it? If what someone or some circumstance wants from me seems like too much for me to handle, what happens? STRESS, in big capital letters that can cast shadows too tall and darken my spirit. Yes, some things need to get done, and I need to be intentional about working diligently in what He’s given me to do. And if I have found His work energizes and helps fulfill my life, I can enjoy His life flowing through me as His tool. But, even ones chosen by God need help, especially in long-term efforts. Remember how Moses’ father-in-law Jethro advised him once (Exodus 18:13-26)? Get some help, share the load, and you’ll serve God and the people more effectively. God gives in many ways, including putting Merrilyn close to Kelly Carpenter to help him share the load. And, He also gave Kelly a sensation that something was still amiss, and a song that drew him back to his Maker and Sustainer. Does Kelly’s message speak to you, you stressed-out worker, today?
See the story of the song in the books Celebrate Jesus: The Stories Behind Your Favorite Praise and Worship Songs, by Phil Christensen and Shari MacDonald, Kregel Publications, 2003; and, I Could Sing of Your Love Forever, by Lindsay Terry, Thomas Nelson publishers, 2008
See the story of the song shared here also: Song Story:
See the story here also: Draw Me Close Meeting Place
See the composer-author perform the song here: Kelly Carpenter sings "Draw Me Close"
See information on the image here: File:Map of Washington highlighting King County.svg - Wikimedia Commons….the owner of the image has issued the following statement: I, the copyright holder of this work, release this work into the public domain. This applies worldwide. In some countries this may not be legally possible; if so:I grant anyone the right to use this work for any purpose, without any conditions, unless such conditions are required by law.
