He felt
this deep inside, as an open wound that needed salve. It was an episode that you
might guess is the most difficult for any person who has family that has died
suddenly. Cleland McAfee was stricken when he composed the hymn “Near to the
Heart of God” in 1901. It doesn’t take much imagination to conjure up the
mental imagery and experience the emotion that McAfee, his family, and his
friends endured at that moment. How does one bear such an overwhelming load? McAfee,
though a man of God himself, had no immediate answer. But, he knew where to look.
He must have found something restful, perhaps like this meadow scene here.
Cleland
McAfee was a Chicago pastor, husband, and father in his mid’30’s soon after the
turn of the century when he received some terrible news. He was well-equipped musically, as the choir
director at the college church where he served, to minister through song to his
fellow believers in time of trouble. Yet, this was a time when he was nearly
incapacitated, struggling to find words and music that would suffice. His
brother and sister-in-law’s two daughters had died of diphtheria within a
24-hour period, producing a heartache that was universal for Cleland and the
rest of the community. He was a father himself at this point, probably, and
could imagine the pain of losing his own children. The anguish he felt was
magnified by this familial tie, as he pondered the message and the song he’d
agreed to sing for the funeral. He turned to Psalms as he sought God’s solace,
something that would comfort his family. “Near to the Heart of God” was what
Cleland wrote and sang, a poignant message with a singular focus. One
direction, one destination are quietly, but intently urged in his prose. There’s
no other place that will do, except His great heart. His is a place where I can
excise all my sin, pour out all my sorrow, find respite from life, and be
transformed in His embrace. You can sense that McAfee, even if he was a pastor,
must have had an extraordinary moment when his heart became like David’s - a
heart after God’s. It’s said that he choked back tears as he performed this
song for the first time, outside his bereaved brother’s house. No wonder. The
choir sang it again the next day during communion at the church. Can you see
the scene?
Once I
know the story, perhaps I’ll never sing the song again without some pain. Part
of it is imagining the unavoidable losses I’ll experience in the next few decades,
and the association that this song and others like it will have with those events.
But, there is something else in McAfee’s words that are significant, too. Drawing
near to God can be scary. He’s too big for me, too pure. He packs a lot of voltage
for my being. Yet, there’s a point—and the points become more frequent as I go
on—where I find that I cannot escape. Only an abyss awaits, if He’s not there. You
think He’s scary? Consider the alternatives.
See more
information on the song discussed above in The Complete Book of Hymns –
Inspiring Stories About 600 Hymns and Praise Songs by William J. Petersen
and Ardythe Petersen, Tyndale House Publishers, 2006. Also, see Amazing Grace: 366 Inspiring
Hymn Stories for Daily Devotions by Kenneth W. Osbeck, Kregel Publications,
1990; and Then Sings My Soul – 150 of the World’s Greatest Hymn Stories,
Robert J. Morgan, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2003.
See a
biography on the composer here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleland_Boyd_McAfee